


made of stars

by lunajec



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), also poe and cassian are cousins, i'm trying to have stormpilot happening in the background but i'm not sure if i'll succeed, they meet at a party and so it begins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-02 08:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10213658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunajec/pseuds/lunajec
Summary: we'll get away with everything, let's show them we are better // she's a wanderer, he's a loner and they're both too cynical not to fall for each other eventually.





	1. We've both got a million bad habits to kick, not sleeping is one

**Author's Note:**

> huge THANK YOU to my fellow rebelcaptain obsessed fangirl Lauren (oh-nostalgiaa.tumblr.com) for being a beta, this chapter's for you, dear!

"What a terrible idea", Cassian mumbles under his breath as he buttons up his long sleeve beige tee. He takes a quick glance at his reflection in the bedroom mirror; he looks tired, almost worn-out with messy hair and unshaved face. Is it any wonder, though, since he's spent all week giving extra flight lessons and dealing with annoying, mostly talentless pilot wannabes, and all in an attempt to keep from thinking about Bodhi.  
Cassian hears the sound of soft paws on the wooden floor. A black cat enters the room, jumps on the bed and glares at its owner with big, yellow eyes.  
"You're staying here, Kaytoo", Cassian tells him as he grabs his brown leather jacket hanging from the back of the chair. "Besides, if it’s any consolation, I don't feel like going at all."  
Kaytoo meows like he understands perfectly and follows his owner to the front door.   
"Behave, okay?" Cassian says, slipping one arm into a well-worn sleeve, and then the other. "I'll be back tomorrow morning."  
And then he leaves. Even though he enters a nearby store to buy a bottle of whiskey, it still takes him less than twenty minutes on foot to get to his cousin's flat. On time as always and trying to muster any tiny bit of enthusiasm he has left in him, Cassian knocks at the door at eight o'clock sharp. The door opens almost immediately and when it does, the host of the party appears. Shorter than Cassian but more muscular, with dark locks falling on his forehead and a wide, welcoming smile on his face. Cassian almost smirks when he notices that his cousin's wearing a jacket similar to his own. Maybe it runs in the family, he thinks.  
"Good to see you, Cass", Poe doesn't leave him time for any reaction as he pulls him in for a really tight, fraternal hug.  
"Poe, you just saw me on Tuesday", Cassian sighs, patting him on the back. "And it's barely Friday."  
Poe stands back and shrugs, smirking slightly. "What can I say, I'm always happy to see you”,  he replies, allowing Cassian in.   
Poe's flat is similar to Cassian's in many ways – it's small, it has white walls and simple, wooden furniture. There's one significant difference though - Cassian's little apartment is stark, you could even say – empty in places. Almost like he could pack up his stuff into two suitcases, grab Kaytoo and move out at any moment. Poe's place, on the other hand, is messy, but in the best way possible. Fluffy pillows on the couch,' plants in random, colorful flowerpots, patterned, yellow curtain in the window; stack of magazines on the coffee table, right next to the empty cup with FLY GUY written on it. All of these things light up the interior, just like its owner lights up any place he goes. That's one thing Cassian's has always envied about his cousin – his positive attitude and  eternal optimism. But sometimes he also lets himself be positive, like when he sees an adorable ball of fluff laying on the couch. Cassian smiles gently, takes off his jacket (his cousin, on the other hand, does not, claiming that it's a part of his "outfit") and sits next to Poe's corgi, Beebee. As he's scratching the dog behind the ear, the host goes into the kitchen and after a short while comes back to the living room with two glasses in hand. He sits on the only armchair in the room and casually says, while pouring Cassian's whiskey into the glasses:  
"I thought you'd bring Bodhi."  
"Yeah, umm..." Cassian begins, clearing his throat. The smile disappears from his face, but he keeps his eyes on the dog so Poe doesn't notice. "To be honest, I didn't invite him." He realizes that his cousin's looking at him, confused. "It didn't work out", Cassian replies tersely, before he takes a big sip of whiskey, grateful for the distraction. That's it, he thinks. He admitted it and there's no need for further explanation.   
"Oh." Poe seems surprised. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."   
"Hey, it's alright." No, it isn't. None of this is right at all. "Just forget it."  
"Well, at least that explains why you look like..." Poe, probably one of the nicest people to ever exist, bites his lip so not a single rude word escapes his mouth.  
"Like shit?" Cassian guesses, raising both eyebrows high.  
"Yes, basically", Poe nods and stands up, sighing loudly. "Come on, you'll help me with food."  
Cassian obediently follows his cousin into the small, but surprisingly spacious kitchen where they put all the muffins, crisps, dips and other snacks that Poe prepared (Cassian honestly has no idea how he even found time to do it but he truly admires his cousin's devotion) on plates and bring the pile of food to the living room. In the meantime, Poe tells him about the guests he hasn't had a chance to meet yet. Cassian's already heard about Poe's new mechanic – a young, talented girl who somehow managed to fix his beloved vintage car, even though her male co-workers claimed it was impossible and laughed at her for thinking otherwise. And since Rey, because that's the girl's name, is pretty anxious about meeting new people, he told her to bring her longtime friend, Jyn. Apparently Poe has already met her, but he simply describes her as "difficult" and moves on to the last but not least.   
"It's her new friend, that's what she called him", Poe explains. "And you have to understand, for her to make a friend who's not me or Jyn... that's kind of a big deal. Which means that he is a big deal."  
Besides being a big deal, the boy is also working in a bookstore and as far as Cassian understands, him befriending Rey is the sole reason that Poe believes in his big dealness. Before Cass has a chance to point out his naivete, the doorbell rings. Poe, almost hopping, rushes out of the kitchen to open the door, whereas Cassian (defintely not as excited) brings the last plate to the living room and stays there, listening to the muffled voices of the host and his guests.  
“...so happy to see you... yes, yes, nice to meet you.. Jyn, you can leave your bag here... this way...”  
Finally, alongside Poe, they appear. She has wavy, brown hair barely reaching her shoulders, delicate facial features and a nervous but sincere smile upon her face. He looks way more relaxed and really handsome, wearing a simple, black t-shirt that accentuates his muscular arms. Rey and Finn, they both introduce themselves. As Cassian shakes their hands, he can't help but notice out of the corner of his eye that Poe can't stop staring at Finn with a oh no, he's hot look on his face. Seems that this boy might be a big deal, after all. But there's one more person, obviously. A girl, the shortest of them all, with straight, dark brown hair and a thick fringe covering her forehead. She's wearing ripped skinny jeans and an oversized dark, green t-shirt.   
“Jyn. Jyn Erso.” She also shakes his hand and Cassian notices shadows beneath her eyes as she gives him a very awkward, forced smile. Before he has a chance to at least try to reciprocate it, Jyn looks at the table and notices the plate full of chocolate muffins. She grabs one and seats herself comfortably on the sofa.   
“What a cutie!” Rey practically squeals when she meets Beebee, while the boys head to the kitchen to refrigerate the beer that Finn brought.  
Once more, the doorbell rings, and they're joined by Poe's pilot squad, his friends from the academy that Cassian already knows. Suddenly, the small apartment is full of people. People talking, people laughing, people choosing Spotify playlists to play on Poe's laptop, people bringing chairs from the kitchen to have something to sit on, people pouring alcohol into glasses. And in the middle of all of the chaos, there's Cassian, sitting on the sofa and trying to make small talk with everybody, all the while every single cell in his body wants to escape, to get out of here. He looks around: Poe and Finn are standing in a corner, shamelessly flirting with each other. Rey's bonding with Jessika Pava over their mutual admiration for Beebee. And Jyn... alone, with her phone in her hand, probably texting someone. The glass she's holding is empty.  
He’s able to hang on for two hours, fake half-smile plastered on his face. Cassian heads to the balcony and as he closes the door behind him, he feels relief. It's so quiet out here and the night is just perfect; warm, but a sudden gust of cool wind makes him feel even more fresh and sober than he already is. It's weird, he thinks, how he has no problem drinking when he's alone at night, but this time he can't get himself to take more than few sips of whiskey.  There's enough mess in his head without any alcohol involved. He grabs the cold metal barrier and with his eyes closed, Cassian thinks of Bodhi. Of how, with a single sentence, he changed everything. And of how much he wishes he could go back in time and never ruin everything by admitting: “I think I have feelings for you”. He’d be a happier man if he never had to see this weird, uncomfortable mix of pity and sympathy shining in Bodhi's dark eyes.  
Why did I start it at all in the first place?  
Cassian's hands tremble as he reaches for a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of his trousers. Suddenly, he can hear the sliding door open. Convinced it's his cousin, he sighs loudly and says:  
“Poe, I'm alright, I'm just... Oh.” It's not Poe, though, it’s Jyn. Standing next to Cassian, not even looking at him, she puts her hands on the barrier too. A slow half-smile slides across her face when she looks up and notices how starry the night sky is.   
“Wanna get out of here?”, she asks, and as she’s staring up into the clear night sky, the question sounds somehow philosophical. Cassian, confused and pretty sure he misheard what she said, just offers her a cigarette. Jyn shakes her head and looks at him, considering him carefully.  
“Neither of us is really having fun and I was gonna leave anyway, so I thought I might as well ask you...” Quietly, almost like she was talking to herself, she adds: “I'm nice like that.”  
“Poe will notice.” Cassian replies, shoving the pack back into his pocket. He already knows he's gonna leave with her, even if he hasn’t accepted the offer just quite yet.  
“Yeah, I don't think he will...” Jyn says mysteriously and when Cassian raises his eyebrows, waiting for any explanation, she continues: “He's too busy hitting on Finn, so don't worry. Anyway...” She shrugs, heads to the sliding glass door, grabs the handle and gives him instructions in the tone of voice of a professional soldier: “I'll leave now, you wait for at least five minutes here and then meet me downstairs. Just make sure no one notices.” Even though he's slightly amused, instead of laughing at her plan, Cassian just replies obediently: “Yes, ma'am.”  
And then, just like that, she’s gone, and he's alone again, listening to the street noise and muffled voices coming from the living room. Somehow, the idea of leaving the party and going to God knows where with a complete stranger seems tempting, almost exciting. It's not the craziest thing one could imagine, but right now it's just right for him. After a moment – he's not patient enough to actually wait for these goddamn five minutes as Jyn ordered him to – Cassian sneaks back through the living room. Pretty sure that no one notices his sudden reappearance, and trying not to look conspicuous, he navigates his way to the front door. Out of the corner of his eye, Cassian notices that his cousin is indeed very busy; Poe and Finn are sitting on the couch, almost glued to each other, both smiling giddily. Poe says something, Finn nods and they both start to laugh. It's a pleasant sight, until Cass's jealous mind replaces Poe and Finn with a vision of he and Bodhi instead. That's how it could have been. No, he can't think about it, not now at least. Grabbing his jacket from its hanger, he slips from the apartment without a word. And as he closes the door behind him, Cassian doesn't feel any remorse. On the contrary, he's sure that leaving was the best decision he could make, way better than walking around with a fake smile plastered on his face and somehow it's reassuring that he's not the only one feeling like an outsider out here.   
As promised, Jyn's waiting for him in front of the building. She’s put on her denim jacket and on her back there's something that resembles more of a big, shapeless bag than a backpack.   
“Finally”, she huffs, and there's a bite of impatience in her voice. “Let's go.”   
“Any idea where we're going?” Cassian asks as they walk side by side briskly, in a direction unknown to him. Jyn scoffs, slightly offended. “Obviously.”   
Cassian raises his eyebrows, slightly irritated.“And can you, like... tell me?”   
“You'll see when we get there”, she replies, looking ahead, and Cass decides, for his own good, to finish that particular conversation before it has a chance to actually begin. He just follows Jyn blindly as they pass through almost empty streets. They walk, and they walk in absolute silence, and even though Cassian's been living in this city for his entire life, he has no idea where they are exactly. The funniest part is, he knows he didn't have to follow Jyn. He could have just excused himself and gone home, but for whatever reason, he chose this instead. Cassian looks at his companion, even as she walks, there's determination on her face. They're passing a row of bungalows and heading towards something dark and looming that appears to be a forest, and he's about to ask her once again for the destination of their late night trip, but then he feels another refreshing gust of wind and hears it - he hears it before he sees it, the lapping of gentle waves against a sandy shore.   
And then, he can see it beneath the trees. Beach. A wild one, actually, empty and private, and just for them. Not saying a word, they wind their way through the trees and stop, looking in awe at the picturesque view. There are even more stars dotting the cloudless sky than they could see in the middle of the city; there are almost no waves and moonlight reflects against the calm sheet of the sea.   
“I've had enough of walking for today”, Jyn sighs, interrupting the silence. She takes off her combat boots and socks, lays her bag on the sand and sits next to it. Cassian looks at the girl and for a fraction of a moment, he wishes there was someone else with him here to experience this beautiful scenery, what he feels is a a bit too romantic for he and Jyn. But he tries his best to immediately drive the thought away.  
“Okay, it is better than the party”, Cassian admits politely, sitting down and settling into place next to Jyn. A subtle smirk appears on her face. “And it's about to get better”,  she replies,  rummaging in the bag. After a short while, she takes out something that she shows to Cassian, proud of herself. “It's yours?”, he asks, glancing from the bottle back to Jyn, curious.  
“I found it”, Jyn lies smoothly, opening the bottle of mezcal. She's about to drink when she notices the look of disapproval on Cassian's face. “Come on! Poe won't be mad”, she rationalizes, taking a big sip straight from the bottle before she offers it to Cassian. “He was too busy with Finn to notice, anyway.”   
After a moment of hesitation, he takes it. “You overestimate my cousin's patience...”, he answers, sighing before he takes a gulp. The alcohol burns his throat, but that's the best kind of burn. He notices that Jyn's looking at the stars again, with the same awe she seemed to feel while standing with him on his cousin’s balcony. He can see moonlight reflecting in her green eyes, and thinks, for a moment, that this was nicer than he was expecting. “You like watching stars, don't you?” Cassian drinks some more mezcal and it looks like after drinking whiskey at the party, he was one sip away from getting drunk.“You're a goddamn romantic, Erso!”, he says, laughing. “Shut up!” Jyn laughs as she snatches the bottle from Cassian's hand. “Honestly, you're terrible...” she says, shaking her head as Cass is grinning at her. “I have no bloody idea why I brought you here. I'm too nice”, she sighs, rolling her eyes.  
“Yup, actual ray of sunshine”, he answers and Jyn smacks his shoulder. “Says who? Bloody life and soul of the party!” Normally Cassian would reply with something eloquent, but not tonight. He just keeps laughing with her and it's a great feeling. Better than brooding on a couch in his living room, at least. Better than thinking about Bodhi. Definitely better than laying in bed for few hours and waiting to fall asleep, and being unable to stop thinking without having to eventually put himself to sleep with pills or alcohol, or both.  
They drink and laugh and talk until the wee hours, about anything and everything and nothing all at once, and maybe, for whatever reason, that's exactly what they both need. After a while, he finds that he just doesn’t care about how they’re going to get home, and concentrates on simply having fun, and he thinks that all is well in the world.  
Cassian wakes up next morning in a bed that's definitely not his own, his whole body aching, his mind unsuccessfully trying to regain last night’s memories.


	2. Kiss me with your fist, it's alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i'm so sorry it took me so much time to write it! unfortunately, i had quite a lot of work recently, including my diploma thesis (which, thanks god, i finally finished), that's why i haven't posted anything earlier. but well, here it is, chapter 2. i'm already writing third one so i hope this time it won't take this much time to finish it (: enjoy!
> 
> oh, and also: being extra(tm), i've created mos playlist that i listen to while writing. in case you're interested: https://open.spotify.com/user/lunajec/playlist/2xhnvCmpvE7mLv8StdDGdF

Slowly, Cassian looks around. It takes him a few moments of confusion to realize that he's laying in Poe's bed. The problem is, he has no memory of how the hell he got here.

His head feels like it's about to explode, and every single inch of his body hurts, but despite the pain and dizziness, he manages to stand up, a little slowly, a little like he’s a much older man, the aches and pains almost too much to handle. He's wearing only yesterday’s shirt and boxer briefs, although he can't remember taking his jeans off. To be fair, he doesn't remember much, just some scraps: beach, mezcal, moon, stars, the sound of Jyn's laugh... Jyn.

How the Hell did we get back here, Cassian wonders, sluggish as he collects his jeans from the floor and steps into them, with much difficulty. He forces every cell of his body to move, to take the few steps to the door, to get it open, and to step into Poe’s apartment. There are almost no signs of yesterday’s party in the living room; yes, Cassian can see a few empty glasses on the table, but overall, it's quite impressive how clean everything looks. He hears noises coming from the kitchen, and decides to investigate there first.

"Poe?", he rasps, and his voice is more hoarse than he'd expected. Poe appears in the doorway, wearing a simple t-shirt with the academy emblem across the front, and sweatpants that Cassian thinks he’s owned since university. Followed obediently by Beebee, he approaches Cassian, glad to see his cousin awake and alert.

Sort of alert.

"Oh, Cass", he says, concern clear in his voice and expression both. "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm fine, I just need..." Cassian starts, gesturing vaguely, too preoccupied with the threat of his head pulsing like it was moments away from exploding.

"Coffee? Black, no sugar?", Poe guesses and Cassian just nods. How lucky he is to be taken care of, instead of waking up at home, accompanied only by a mildly concerned cat. 

"Sit", Poe orders, heading to the kitchen and Cassian does as he is told without argument or complaint.. He takes a seat on the couch and buries his face in his hands. All the stimuli: sunlight coming through the half-opened blinds, the sound of Beebee's paws clicking on the wooden floor, Poe's quiet whistling as he's preparing the coffee, it all makes Cassian's migraine even more unbearable.

Poe comes back after what might as well be five or fifty minutes. Cassian’s lost track of time, which isn't really a new thing for him. He watches as his cousin places a huge cup of black, steaming coffee and a plate full of toast with butter on the table. 

"So..." Poe says, sitting next to him. "You remember anything?"

Before replying, Cassian takes a big gulp of coffee. It's so hot that it burns his lips, his tongue, and his throat, but it hardly bothers him, since he feels like this blessedly scorching black liquid is the only chance he has to clear his mind and wake up.

"We left the party and went to the beach...", he replies, his brow furrowing as he tries his best to focus and recall details about the night before. "We were talking about some random shit. And drinking. That's all I remember. How did I even get back here?" 

A subtle smirk appears on Poe's face.

"That's the fun part, I suppose", he answers, and Cassian shoots him a confused look. "Well, the part with me, Rey and Finn worrying about you both because of course, you left your phone here and Jyn wasn't picking up hers... that wasn't fun at all." There's a bite of reproach in his voice that makes Cassian feel the sting of remorse. "But the part when she managed to bring your corpse back here? That was quite impressive." 

"Wait, was she sober?" Cassian asks, confused. One of the few things he remembers is that she was clearly drinking that mezcal with him.

"No, not at all", Poe laughs, shoulders shaking slightly. "She was very much drunk, but not almost-unconscious-barely-standing-drunk like you, more like: everything-is-funny-drunk. Anyway, she told us she'd taken a taxi." 

Cassian sighs loudly, angry at himself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left with her. I should’ve stayed."

He doesn’t know what he’s mad at: taking such stupid risks, or the fact that he couldn’t remember a single minute of it. 

"Hey, you're an adult, you can do whatever you want”, Poe replies. And after a moment of silence, he adds, choosing his words carefully: "It's just... maybe you shouldn't drink alcohol, at least for a while."

"What do you mean?", Cassian asks, taking another sip of coffee without taking his eyes off his cousin.

"Cass, I see what's going on here..." Poe answers, his voice becoming softer, full of concern. "You're upset because of this whole thing with Bodhi... I feel like recently you've been either working your ass off or drinking yourself to sleep. I worry about you."

Cassian knows very well that Poe's right, but there's no way he's admitting that. That’s a path he doesn’t particularly want to go down, especially suffering from a massive hangover. Instead, along the lines that attack is the best form of defence, he asks:

"What if she did it on purpose?"

"What, got you drunk?" Poe, convinced that his cousin's joking, says these words with a disbelieving smile upon his face. It takes him a moment to realize that it wasn't, in fact, a joke.

"You can't be serious."

"Dunno." Cassian shrugs. "She's a stranger, I’m not exactly sure that I trust her."

"Then you have serious trust issues.. "

"You don't know her either."

"No, I don’t, but … you’re the one that left with her!"

"That’s not the point", Cassian muttters, interrupting Poe as he suddenly gets up from the chair; all too aware that all the muscles in his body hurt. Even so, he doesn't allow his face to show any expression of pain. Even though his body wasn’t cooperating, at least his mind was a bit clearer. It's surprising how quickly the cup of black coffee helped him back on his feet, metaphorically speaking. "I need to talk with her. And I need to hear what happened exactly. You have her phone number, don't you?"

Poe sighs and buries his face in his hands for a moment. He looks tired of trying to keep up with Cassian's train of thought.

"I don't. But I know where you'll probably find her", Poe reluctantly offers. It's obvious he doesn't believe in his cousin's conspiracy theory. 

"Probably?" Cassian repeats, confused.

"She's barely ever in town, I have no idea if she even has her own flat here... usually she stays at Rey's. 27 Andromeda Street, apartment 4." 

Cassian's pleasantly surprised to hear the address; it looks like Rey lives only a few blocks away from him.

"Time to visit a neighbour, I guess", he answers as Poe stands up, still looking unconvinced about this whole idea."Please don't give me that look."

"I just think you're overreacting", Poe sighs, shrugging helplessly. "But okay, do what you need to do. It's none of my business. I'd just suggest taking a shower first."

Leaving Poe's house fifteen minutes later, freshly showered, Cassian still feels terrible, but the idea of possible confrontation with Jyn somehow makes him get going. His urge to find out what happened between him and Jyn (if anything happened at all) was far stronger than the pain he's feeling. Cassian doesn’t really know what that says about him, and isn’t sure that he wants to find out. 

As he walks, the streets passing by quickly, he realizes that he forgot to ask Poe about Finn and about how the party went in general. Either he's the worst cousin a person could possibly have or Poe is a literal saint, being there for Cassian without expecting anything in exchange, or maybe both. With this somewhat saddening thought on his mind, Cassian reaches his destination: one of those battered tenements with paint peeling off the walls of the staircase. Luckily for his poor, aching muscles, he doesn't have to do much stair climbing. Soon enough, he finds himself standing in front of the door with number four painted on the door in a chipping black paint, lifting a hand to knock.

"Cassian?", he hears as soon as the door is opened a crack, and then a little bit wider. Seems like Cassian was the last person on planet Earth Rey would expect to appear at her doorstep. He can't help but notice how fresh and rested she looks. "You're alive?"

"Hi. Yeah, I'm..." He sighs, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry for the last night. You shouldn't have seen me in that state... well, no one should’ve."

"Hey, it's alright”, she replies, smiling at him comfortingly. "So, did something happen or...?"

"No. Yes. I'm looking for Jyn, actually. Is she here?" 

Instead of answering, Rey just lets him in. He enters what looks like a studio flat; there seems to be only one room which combines elements of a living room, bedroom and kitchen all at once. It's messy, but just like at Poe's place, mess makes Rey's studio seem more cosy. Cassian notices there's only one door. Rey knocks at it without a word and when it opens, Jyn soon emerges. In an oversized t-shirt, shorts, messy hair, and no makeup, Cassian can't help but feel satisfaction, seeing how she looks almost as worn-out as he feels. Despite that, he finds that she still looks really pretty without any makeup on. 

"What are you doing here?”, she asks, clearly surprised to see him standing in front of her. Cassian really hoped that maybe seeing her would bring back the memories, but it's no use. Instead, his frustration hits him even harder. 

"We need to talk. Alone”, he answers, his voice a little more cold and a little more unpleasant than usual. He has no warmth to muster, at least not until his questions are answered to his satisfaction.

"Alone, here?" Jyn gestures vaguely, with a dismissive smile on her face. "Good luck."

"I can leave for a moment if you..." Rey helpfully offers, intruding on the conversation, but Jyn interrupts her with a firm voice:

"No, you stay. This is your place. If he wants to talk so much, we can take a walk..."

"Let's just go to my place", Cassian huffs, impatient. When both girls give him equally surprised looks, he adds: "I live like five minutes away from here."

Rey looks at her friend, a bit confused, waiting for her reaction. Jyn just shrugs, and without saying a word, she changes from shorts into jeans that she collects from the sofa. The tiny smirk that lifts her lips at the edges gives away the fact that she notices that Cassian didn't divert his eyes.

"Come on", she says, brushing past him. She slips her feet into her battered combat boots and grabs her jacket from the hanger near the door.

"If I don't come back in twenty minutes, call the police", Jyn casually announces as she opens the door. Her friend, apparently a little unsure as to how to react, just nods. 

"Very funny...", Cassian mutters under his breath, following her outside.

"I wasn't joking, but okay."

Walking side by side in silence, just like yesterday, and they're passing through the streets quickly enough to reach the destination in just a matter of minutes. When Cassian opens the door of his small apartment and lets her in, Jyn enters very carefully, glancing around as she walks into the living room. Instead of sitting on the sofa or by the table, she just stands in the middle of the room and sighs loudly.

"So..." Jyn crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at Cassian as he casually leans against the wall. "Why am I here?"

"I need you to tell me what happened last night." He does his best so his voice sounds calm and steady, but there's something in Jyn's attitude that irritates the hell out of Cassian. It must be the constant expression of either discontent or indifference on her (he must admit, however reluctantly) pretty face. 

"We went to the beach”, she answers slowly, shrugging. "I brought a bottle of mezcal." 

"And?" Cassian asks, his eyebrows arching high, waiting to hear some new information. Out of the corner of his eye he notices Kaytoo, who materializes from the bedroom and quietly sits on the doorstep.

"We got terribly drunk... we spent a few hours talking about this and that... and later I called a cab to pick us up. That's it." 

He would very much like to believe her, to believe that was all that happened between them. Somehow, even though Cassian doesn't really know Jyn, he has this insane feeling in the back of his consciousness, telling him: she's lying.

"That's it?", he repeats, unable to keep the incredulity he felt from tinging his words. At first, Jyn doesn't say anything. She just bites her lip, her expression shifting from thoroughly unimpressed to thoroughly sulky. 

"Well, we did snog once", she eventually admits, quiet as she waits for his reaction. Cassian glances at her lips for a moment; somehow he isn't really surprised that they kissed. What has actually surprised him is that he doesn't recall the act itself. He closes his eyes and rubs his forehead, swearing inwardly. 

Maybe he wants to remember. Maybe he feels guilty for wanting to remember. 

"Okay...", he begins, pausing in order to clear his throat. "Whose idea was that?"

"Dunno, it just happened." Jyn replies flatly, shrugging again: "Besides, when people get drunk they usually end up in bed, so I’d like to think that we were playing nicely."

"You sure about that?" Cassian queries, stepping closer to her, crossing his arms behind his back, eyeing Jyn warily.

"Of course I ..." Suddenly, Jyn realizes what he means and her eyes widen. "Wait. You think I got you drunk on purpose to what, take advantage of you?" Scoffing, she adds, quietly: "You gotta be shitting me."

"Well, I don't know you", Cassian explains calmly, even though underneath the surface his blood is boiling. "And I don't trust my drunk self. So I'm asking you nicely: is that all that happened?" 

Despite using the word nicely, he sure sounds quite harsh.

"Yes." She snarls at him "Why would I lie?"

The look of disbelief and anger on her face makes him doubt every single decision he’s made up until this point. Was he right to bring Jyn here? Did he even believe anything she said in the first place? Would he have been better off following Poe’s advice and leaving well enough alone? The truth is, Cassian doesn't know what to think and Jyn must've noticed his uncertainty; she moves so close to him that if it wasn't for the burning anger in her eyes, he'd think that she was about to kiss him again. Cassian can't help but take a quick look at her lips, swallowing hard. The closeness between them sends shivers down his spine.

“Are you angry at me?”, Jyn asks, a mocking smile twisting her mouth into an unpleasant grin. “Or at yourself?”

Funny how she could read him so well. But he wasn’t about to admit it, of course. Cassian's about to respond with another snarky remark, when out of the blue, his doorbell rings. Without a word, he leaves Jyn and heads to the door. Cassian wasn't expecting anyone and he has no idea who it could be, but when he opens the door…

No. No, no, no. Not now.

Bodhi couldn't possibly have chosen a worse moment to appear on Cassian's doorstep, yet here he is, noticeably nervous, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt tight enough to leave Cass speechless for a moment. Not now. 

“H-hi.” Bodhi makes a vague gesture with his hand, almost a wave but not quite. “Sorry I dropped by unannounced, but... can we talk?”

“Mhm, sure...” Cassian hums, nodding his agreementn as he allows him in. It wasn’t long before Bodhi notices there's someone else in the house, because he glances from Cassian to Jyn and back again, and asks, looking a bit worried:

“Oh, am I interrupting?”

“It's alright, I was just leaving”, a voice pipes up from behind Cassian. Jyn brushes against him as she exits the flat, a clear annoyance written all over her face.

“Jyn...” He isn't sure why he says her name, it's not like he wants her to stay, after all. 

“Yeah, piss off!”, she spits, stomping down the stairs without even looking back at him. Cassian slowly closes the door and realizes that Bodhi's observing him, confused.

“Don't ask”, Cass sighs and shakes his head. It isn't a good moment for him to talk with Bodhi, let alone to talk about Jyn and the night they’d shared. “After you.” 

As he's following Bodhi back into the living room, the anger wears off, fading back into exhaustion, and the new sensation appears: nervousness, but Cassian does his best trying not to show it.

“Coffee? Tea? Water?”, he asks, fighting to sound casual. 

“Water would be nice, thank you.”

They sit on opposite sides of the small table, both with glasses of water in their hands. The silence is uncomfortable, but neither of them dares to say anything. Cassian still has Jyn on his mind while he's observing Bodhi. His fidgety hands, his big, almost black eyes, all the while trying to avoid any eye contact at all. How could anyone not fall for these eyes? Bodhi takes a big sip of water and finally, starts to talk with confidence, as if he’s practiced these words a time or two before.

“I'm worried about you, Cassian.” Bodhi says, intent upon looking Cassian in the eyes. This time it's Cassian who looks away. “We haven't spoken in such a long time after... you know.”

“Yeah.” Cass clears his throat after sipping a little bit of water to try and buy himself some time. “Yeah, I know. But I'm fine, I really am.” In his head this lie might sound credible, but Bodhi has known him too long to fall for it. 

But instead of nagging Cassian to tell him the truth, he offers:

“I'm sorry.” 

The confidence in his voice is replaced with guilt so unexpectedly that Cass can't believe what he's hearing.

“Wait, what? What for?”, he asks, his brow furrowing in his own confusion. 

“That I don't feel the same way.”

“Oh God, no.” Cassian bends over the table and gently places his hand on Bodhi's. “Listen, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for how you feel, okay?”

Not for the first time, it's him that feels guilty. And, not for the first time, it’s Cassian that feels that he should feel guilty. Firstly, for starting this whole thing at all. And secondly, for making Bodhi feel like this - like it was all because of him. Somehow it's never occurred to him that cutting off contact completely just made it worse, even if he’d thought that it was for the best.

“I don't know, Cassian...” Bodhi says quietly, sliding his hand back and off the table. “It's all so complicated and I just wish we could go back to how things were before. You are a great friend and I can't lose you like this.” His voice trembles from the strain of holding back emotions, 

“You won't, I promise”, he says, believing every single word. He just hopes Bodhi believes him too; he's still getting over his unrequited affection for his best friend, but even though he cut himself off for a good few weeks in favor of concentrating on his work with breaks for drinking, it's not like he wants to dwell on the alternative scenarios forever, especially those in which he doesn’t have Bodhi in his life somehow, even if it’s not in the way that he’s been hoping for . If Bodhi's willing to move on, then so is he. There's no way Cassian's losing him. 

“So, we're good?” Bodhi asks, giving him the warmest smile he's seen in what feels like ages.

“Yes, we're good”, Cassian replies and suddenly, his aching muscles, his massive migraine, and his argument with Jyn, none of it really matters.


End file.
